When you used to be like:
But now you’re like:
And your friends are like:
Now that I have shared that (abundantly necessary) visual aid showcasing some of my favorite TV programs, I wish to broadcast to the world that the following evaluations come not only from my own experiences but also those of my friends. Don’t hate me. Scratch that, don’t judge me *Chris Brown voice*.
Friendships are something special. A lot like falling in love, if you ask me. It’s crazy that by chance, you can find someone who loves you unconditionally, understands you to your core, and becomes the peanut butter to your jelly. You go from being classmates in English or workmates at the firm to being the best of friends. Talking and texting daily, inside jokes for days, a special place you both call yours. It’s the perfect friendship!
Then the unexpected happens.
Someone else has recognized how cool and fun and beautiful your friend is. A male. Homegirl done got a man! Or maybe it’s you who now has a Romeo.
All of the sudden everything changes.
5 Ways Things Change:
1. Time together is decreased. Remember when you used to hang out two or three times a week, or call and text each other frequently just because? That time is over. If Boyfriend doesn’t get all of that attention, he definitely will get most of it. And less friend-time means a possibility of jealousy or loneliness.
2. Chit-chat and jokes change. Two single girls tend to joke about men in a different way than a girl with a man. It’s not uncommon to have a whole conversation starting from the phrase “There aren’t any good men left!”. In fact, it’s not uncommon to have this conversation more than once. A day. Okay so, now try having that conversation now that one of you has a man. Doesn’t quite work out. Cue the hurt feelings and plummeting self-esteem.
3. Did somebody say “third wheel”? It’s not purposely of course, but it’s only natural for a girl to want her two favorite people to get along. Plus, it makes it easier for her to spend time with both of them than to choose. Again. (Let’s just be honest, she has probably chosen The Boy over The Friend many many times by now.) So instead of Girls Night filled with girl talk, gossip, and giggling, now you guys are stuck talking about generic things like the weather, movies, and … comic books?
4. The therapy sessions are different . Now that The Boyfriend is in the picture, it appears as if he is the one who is hearing all of the stories, receiving all of the screenshots, and drying all the tears. Oh, it feels like the sisterhood is disintegrating ! There is now a joint custody to the rantings and drama, with The Friend being the every-other-weekend parent. Now conversations start with “Oh, did I tell you what happened…?” and “__(boyfriend’s name)__ had to really calm me down when…”.
5. Plans Change. That Girls Apartment Pinterest board and those long cross-country road trip plans start to disappear faster than Beyoncé’s privacy after Drunk in Love. Instead, they are replaced with… group movie dates and theme park days? Ummm… obviously there is no comparison. It’s actually a tad insulting.
Okay, so that was really negative and depressing. It kind of sounds like friendship is doomed when a man comes into the picture…
HERES THE DEAL:
Things change, life changes, friendships change. It’s not how it seems on TV or in the movies, where everything will stay exactly the same and no one has hurt feelings.
Things will change and feelings will get hurt. But if your friendship is strong and you are willing to make adjustments and apologize when necessary, change won’t be so bad. Instead, it will be beautiful. May your friendship prevail!